So Many Emotions!!!

     It has been a long time since I wrote anything here.  I've been working full time until we leave to pick up Leyna.  It is such a blessing to have this long term sub job.  Our funds are depleting quickly.  Who am I kidding our funds are depleted and we are living on Faith!  We have our plane tickets bought and reservations made.  We fly out December 3 and return on Dec 22.  I can't believe we are so close.  In less than 2 weeks we will have Leyna with us!
     I have so many emotions right now.  If I went into a therapist they might diagnose me with something.  I'm so excited to be leaving soon.  I should be so happy all the time right?  But, I have such sadness too. Our gain is another mother's lose.  We don't know anything about Leyna's parents.  I know her mother carried her and loved her.  I know if there was any way her mother could have  taken care of her she would have.  I know her birth mother must be so beautiful because Leyna is.
     My heart is heavy with the thought of so many orphans in the world.  Today is Thanksgiving.  We will eat more calories in one day than many kids will eat in a month.  I think sometimes adopting can be romanticised.  Some think just giving a child a loving home is enough.  I know Leyna is only 6 months old and will not remember her time in Congo.  I have no doubt she will still suffer grief.  We are lucky that she has been in a foster home.  It looks like she has been taken care of well.  We will be taking her away from all she's ever known.  I pray often that she will grow up to know how much we love her.  I pray that she will know that she has a Heavenly Father that loves her.  So often people can turn away from God because they think he shouldn't allow so much suffering.  I don't know why I was born into a country where I have freedom and safety.  I don't know why others are born in countries that are so corrupt there is no chance of succeeding.  I do know that our Heavenly Father cries with me.  I know that He is aware of the suffering.  He is hoping His other children will help those that are in need.
     Right now in Congo rebels have taken over a city about 1000 miles from Kinshasa.  There are now more orphans.  There are rumors that the rebels will march to Kinshasa to take over the Capital.  What will that mean for all the children there?  How can we stop this?  It is so easy in America to put on our blinders and think someone else will help.  I pray that the rebels will be stopped.  We need more righteous people to stand up.
     I've had many people tell me how lucky Leyna will be to be in our family.  I hope we will be a good family for her.  I hope that she will feel loved and like she belongs with us.  I feel like I'm the lucky one to have her in our family.  I haven't held her yet but she has already changed my life.  I was content with 3 kids all in school.  I had more freedom. All our children can do a lot for themselves.  Now I will be starting all over.  Leyna has opened my eyes to another world.  She has taught me to listen to my Heavenly Father.  She has taught me to have Faith and Hope.  I know there will challenges to come but I know this is what we are suppose to be doing.  It has been a long journey getting here.  A new journey will be starting soon.  I can't wait to hold her and tell her how much we love her.  I'm so grateful for family and friends supporting us in our journey.